The package sat on her porch for exactly 27 minutes before she opened it. I know because I timed it. The meltdown that followed was the most glorious thing I\u2019ve ever heard through a phone. Totally worth the overnight shipping. Let me explain. My wife Jane is wonderful\u2014smart, funny, kind. We\u2019ve built a happy, simple life together. Everything\u2019s great\u2026 except for her mother, Celia. Celia is the kind of mother-in-law who sees every gift I give Jane as a personal attack. When I gave Jane a bracelet, Celia called me to complain she\u2019s never gotten jewelry in 32 years of motherhood. A vacation?<\/p>\n\n
She reminded us she hasn\u2019t had one in \u201cdecades.\u201d Flowers from my late mom\u2019s garden for Mother\u2019s Day? She called them \u201cweeds.\u201d Jane, always the peacemaker, chalked it up to loneliness and tried to include her more. I tried too. But the passive-aggressive digs kept coming. Then came the tarantula. Jane had recently fallen in love with weird gifts\u2014geode lamps,<\/p>\n